Now Hiring

          I said to my sister the other day that it's probably for the best that I didn't have a life before having a baby, because there was no painful transition to go through once I found myself cooped up at home every day. Since I'm no longer working I see no one on a regular basis anymore except Tom and Apollo and yes, they're my favorite people, but the inactivity makes me kind of crazy sometimes. I can't imagine how much worse it would be if I had been a party-goer or very active in the past.
          I suddenly realize how much I valued the level of social interaction I got from working full time. Now I find myself looking forward to going anywhere. Anywhere. Out for a walk. Out to the grocery store. Out to church. It doesn't matter where, as long as I get to be outside and/or see people. And if I get to talk to them too, well, that takes everything to a whole new level.
          The problem with me is I don't like looking for friends. I love having friends, but naturally my best friends live nowhere near me anymore and I always feel a little dumb putting myself out there to find new ones. "Becoming friends" can be such an awkward process when you're starting from scratch. Okay, I like you...you know, like a friend...yeah, we get along okay. We feel the same about some junk. I don't think you loathe me...so, now I have to suggest seeing each other again. But I don't want to come on too strong...I know how it is when people I don't care about try to befriend me. Now I have to see if you want to see me again, but to do it without sounding like I need a friend as badly as I do. Needing a friend sometimes scares friends away. As I know from experience.
          "YOU WANNA HANG OUT AGAIN TOMORROW? WANNA COME TO MY BIRTHDAY THIS WEEKEND?? ASK YOUR MOM IF WE CAN HAVE A SLEEPOVER AT YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT." 






          Soooo instead of reaching out and finding other people, I sit around inside merely considering finding other people. (Another problem of mine is that I'm lazy and I procrastinate. Well, that's two problems I guess. And a third one, I'm terribly picky. About everything. Well, not food. Everything except food. But that includes friends, unfortunately. But maybe that's a good thing.) People want to find like-minded friends, so my friends will inevitably have to be married couples or moms or people at the same spiritual, mental, or emotional place/s as me in life.
          Oh well, for the time being it's just looking forward pathetically to mundane outings. It's hard to force these things. I like to let them happen naturally.
          And at least my sister and the in-laws are nearby and I visit with them sometimes. They're pretty great.